life, Uncategorized

An apprehensive yet hopeful 2016

Everyone’s new year starts with a  good note,and like always, 2015 and 2016 too did for me. But after being battered emotionally in the year 2015 right from the first month,  till until the ninth.[Yes it does sound like I bore my issues (pun intended) until one day it decided to come out of  me and help me grow out of it. But it was indeed like that] I hope that 2016 turns out to be good.

2015 started with with my family visiting me in the hills and my father suffering from a heart attack and having to undergo a by pass surgery. Through it all, I had to be the rock to my mother and look after the hospitals issues, even if I wanted to break down, I couldn’t, I couldn’t do it for my mother who broke down every single day not knowing what is happening around her, she was like in a daze.

This stayed with me for some months.. giving me shudders whenever the thought of the incident crossed my mind. After the incident, my mother developed asthama, which was difficult to diagnose and it got worse when suddenly my brother decided to  leave for work to Gabon, Africa. My parents, more my mom suffered from empty nest syndrome. And I was helpless here.. in the hills, which my parents are apprehensive to come after the incident.   At the work front things weren’t going good as well, I was put in a programme which never quite motivated me to work and to exacerbate the situation, my reporting officer wasn’t an easy person to please, thought will all good will she did try to help me out and wanted to sort my issues anyhow possible. Along with it, there was a huge apprehension about how difficult  managing a long distance would be with my partner going  abroad to pursue his second masters.

In short, I was going through a huge emotional turmoil which almost pushed me to end my life.. the only thought that stopped me from doing is that of my parents after my death. I know for a fact how difficult it is for parents to see their child dead, many instances in my family have shown me that. I know everyone else in my life, my brother, my partner for 12 years, my closest friends, all of them will finally manage to move on but not my parents. I owe this second leg of my life to them and only them.

After all this, I have finally decided to have my own dream and try to fulfill them, if not, do whatever I really want to. Not that I don’t want to or don’t like my present job, I am looking for more challenges may be and more extra curricular activities, along with my work I want to dance, paint and what not! More than that I am yearning for a bigger experience.. I want to travel.

So yes after a tumultuous year of 2015, I am quite apprehensive  about how 2016 will be.. though deep in heart I am hopeful that things will fall into place..  🙂

Wishing everyone a joyful year ahead! may 2016 fulfill your dreams 🙂

 

 

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life, To my unborn child

A message

To my unborn child,
this is for you to know of the 
hardships and opportunity 
in the world before you choose
to come, or not.

The world is full of contradictions,
one moment, full of love 
the next, of hatred.
Whimsical as a butterfly,
to flutter, or not
It is full of expectations and 
yet full of surprises.Albeit mostly,
the world is expecting surprises.
Like a flower in the crack of dawn,
to bloom, or not.
I may not be a writer,
nor will I ever be.
But today, I felt it's time 
to give my child a choice
to be born, or not.

 

life

To my unborn child

To my unborn child,
wherever you are, 
just know that I am here
to tell you about the world 
which one day you might 
come in through me, or not.
Today, I want to give you 
a choice to make, to manifest
Or be immortal.
To my unborn child, 
wherever you are, 
Just know that, 
whatever you choose,
Remember, you will always 
be a part of me, born,
or not.
life

Dance the depressed weather away!

What is the best way of coming out of your slumber on a depressed day? depressed because it is grey all around and Mr sun is acting pricey! it is dirty dancing! Yes, just plugin your ear plugs and play all sorts of peppy songs on full volume- remember you are the only one listening, and dance your heart out till you are totally tired, panting and can feel your heartbeats.

P.S- you can only do this exercise when you are alone, that way your true self will be unleashed, and you will surprise yourself. Trust me.

Yes, this is what I just did to shake myself up from bed. This incessant rain and misty weather can get to you and I only realised it when I caught myself staring at the ceiling blankly! I literally have been in a limbo the whole weekend.. laying cosily under blanket and coming out only when I am forced by my bodily needs! 😉 I haven’t stepped out of my door, the condition is so bad!

And this is how my weekend quickly visited me and disappeared before coming back again hopefully soon. Waiting desperately for the sun to show up and energise and kick me back to my regular  and active life. How was your weekend?

 

first post

Hello world!

Amazing how wordpress prompts you to write even if you are not inspired too.so here I go! Well, Hello World!

My blog post named verissima me, meaning, genuinely me.

i have created this blog so that I could be genuinely and anonymously myself , So that i could reach you to people and people could reach out to me. Tucked in the midst of the forest in a small town in south of India, here I am presenting my happiness , woes, fears and excitement about life.

In this wide wide world, when one has no choice nor resources, one’s last resort for a “hideout” is the internet where one can be anonymous.

In search of anonymity, I have found my solace here and hoping to cure myself.