And suddenly I stopped waking Up to a hope, of signs from you. A decade and a quarter with you Vanished , just like that! We rolled all our memories And smoked them away. Perhaps I should have never trusted you with my life. Maybe I didn't, when you Promised to never go. Maybe I didn't, when you Said you don't love. I wish one day we realise The value of what we had. Until then I wish you well And I move ahead, hoping to find love again. Not anymore, no grudges held. You just gave up and pushed me Off the cliff. You saved yourself. I concur to the difficulty of Facing your true self. You became weaker and I,Could no Longer hold you up. You were right, maybe we never were meant to be. Yet we are left and forever will be ,with a part of you and me. Farewell To one Long Lost Me.
Everyone’s new year starts with a good note,and like always, 2015 and 2016 too did for me. But after being battered emotionally in the year 2015 right from the first month, till until the ninth.[Yes it does sound like I bore my issues (pun intended) until one day it decided to come out of me and help me grow out of it. But it was indeed like that] I hope that 2016 turns out to be good.
2015 started with with my family visiting me in the hills and my father suffering from a heart attack and having to undergo a by pass surgery. Through it all, I had to be the rock to my mother and look after the hospitals issues, even if I wanted to break down, I couldn’t, I couldn’t do it for my mother who broke down every single day not knowing what is happening around her, she was like in a daze.
This stayed with me for some months.. giving me shudders whenever the thought of the incident crossed my mind. After the incident, my mother developed asthama, which was difficult to diagnose and it got worse when suddenly my brother decided to leave for work to Gabon, Africa. My parents, more my mom suffered from empty nest syndrome. And I was helpless here.. in the hills, which my parents are apprehensive to come after the incident. At the work front things weren’t going good as well, I was put in a programme which never quite motivated me to work and to exacerbate the situation, my reporting officer wasn’t an easy person to please, thought will all good will she did try to help me out and wanted to sort my issues anyhow possible. Along with it, there was a huge apprehension about how difficult managing a long distance would be with my partner going abroad to pursue his second masters.
In short, I was going through a huge emotional turmoil which almost pushed me to end my life.. the only thought that stopped me from doing is that of my parents after my death. I know for a fact how difficult it is for parents to see their child dead, many instances in my family have shown me that. I know everyone else in my life, my brother, my partner for 12 years, my closest friends, all of them will finally manage to move on but not my parents. I owe this second leg of my life to them and only them.
After all this, I have finally decided to have my own dream and try to fulfill them, if not, do whatever I really want to. Not that I don’t want to or don’t like my present job, I am looking for more challenges may be and more extra curricular activities, along with my work I want to dance, paint and what not! More than that I am yearning for a bigger experience.. I want to travel.
So yes after a tumultuous year of 2015, I am quite apprehensive about how 2016 will be.. though deep in heart I am hopeful that things will fall into place.. 🙂
Wishing everyone a joyful year ahead! may 2016 fulfill your dreams 🙂